Just like in a marriage, during the course of a divorce husbands and wives sometimes find themselves switching perspectives. Sometimes the reason for the switch is clear, but often times it’s not so clear. Sometimes the switching is based on facts and financials, and sometimes it’s based on emotions and murkier terrain. Sometimes it’s based on style and sometimes on substance. It’s a complicated dance.
Sometimes when I meet clients they are questioning whether or not to stay in a marriage. And sometimes they are resolved to leave. However, it is always true that they have invested a part of themselves and their lives into a relationship, and they are at a vulnerable and trying juncture in their lives. I recall Kirsten’s anger at, and compassion for her husband. Her shattered dreams and financial woes. At times she felt she could never leave him, and at other times she felt certain it was the only thing she could do. Her heart and her head were in a tug-of-war.
I think the poet, Taylor Mali, succinctly captures the essence of this quandary in his poem called “And Then We Switched”. In reference to the breakup of his own marriage, and in talking about that poem he says:
“When one person seeks a greater connection through exploration and the other through introspection, the fights will always be about who is “remote” and who is “clingy.”
For Kirsten, initially navigating the path and forging ahead seemed paralyzing. There is no question it was difficult. The Consilium Process helped her create clarity out of chaos so that she and her husband could restructure their family and optimize their lives.
Follow this link to listen to Taylor’s reading of: And Then We Switched